Queue Stage Fright in....3, 2, 1....

For some, this is never an issue.   There is no fear in performing. 
For others... just the idea of getting on stage leaves you weak in the knees, breathless, shaking and offering up silent prayers that there is a trash can or an empty bathroom stall, should things get so overwhelming.
That is me.
The moments before a show are often filled with the worst kind of anxiety.

I have gotten better at quelling the butterflies or at least hiding them from everyone else.
If you see me backstage or in the wings, I may have the picture of a calm face, but the truth is 9 times out of 10. I am anything but calm.

The things that run through my head when I am nervous are amazing.
Here are just a few of them.
1. I will be center stage, with my music playing and I will freeze, in place staring out at the audience and them back at me, with me being helpless.. unable to move.
2. IF I am able to move, the audience will hate me, leaving me to wonder why I even tried.
3. (the most recent and very real fear) That I will do something that I have done a million times before with success and my body will betray me.  That my knee(s) will suddenly break.

These are the top three fears in my head.. Besides the tripping on my costume or having some devastating costume malfunction.

I never know when this anxiety is going to hit.  Sometimes, it happens the moment I arrive at the venue, other times it starts several days before a show.  Often when it starts that early, I can work myself straight up into a full blown panic attack.

Thanks to all my very supportive friends and fellow dancers, I have not yet experienced any of the worst fears. (Except having my knee break in practice)
My most wonderful best friend shared with me the trick of trying to name all Seven Dwarfs..  Making my brain do something very real, while letting my muscles do what they know they need to do.
Tempest, shared taking a couple very deep breaths and holding them for a moment or two..  again, causing the brain to slow down.
The other wonderful thing, is that I am blessed to perform with many of the same dancers at every show. Which is a source of comfort for me.  Knowing that my friends will be there to either cheer me on or pass over the ice bag and a box of tissues or to help clear a path to either a toilet or trashcan depending on what I need.  (Of course, someone having a flask filled with something I can drown the butterflies in, NEVER hurts)

The funny thing about performance anxiety is that actors and dancers are NOT alone in it. Athlete's of all kinds face these same fears.
None of us deal with them the same way either. 
The tricks that work for one, don't always work for someone else.

So far, I have honestly learned that making friends with that anxious feeling is what helps me the most.  Don't get me wrong.  This is not the kind of best friend I want around.  It's more like the unwanted dinner guest.  You know the one...  That person who complains that the food is too.... x, or that the wine tastes like vinegar, that the rest of the company is beneath them.
Yes, you know the type.
I have learned to acknowledge that this is how I am feeling, like it or not. It just is and because it is, I have to deal with it.  I listen to my brain tick through all of the what if that goes wrong, or this goes wrong.  Much like an over worried over thinking child. 
Once I let it rant and holler, I am able to say..  "Well, we won't know until we do it.  So, what are you waiting for? Let's go do it and see what happens."


My hope here is that everyone realizes that for some, stage fright is real and debilitating. That the best thing sometimes that can be done is to look your terrified dance friend in the face and tell them, that you are proud that they are getting out there and doing it anyway. 

So, if you suffer from stage fright or performance anxiety.  You are most definitely, not alone. I understand the feelings all too well.