Packing the gig bag.

It's been quite a while since I sat down to write some things down.   Since the article I wrote in the summer pertaining to the care and feeding of a dancers feet, I have since been diagnosed with arthritis in my left foot, in the space where the bones of my first toe, meet the ball of my foot.
Both my doctor and I were thinking along the lines of a stress fracture, not uncommon for dancers and other athletes.  However, an x-ray revealed something neither of us expected.

This diagnosis has caused me to step back and reevaluate everything about my dancing and other activities.  Things like making sure I am using the whole of my foot.  Being certain that I have the appropriate padding in my dance shoes, tennis shoes, heels... ALL the shoes.

As summer turns to fall and I have pulled out my wooly socks from the dark recesses of the drawer, I have learned that my left foot has real issues with being cold.
This... is a problem... a big problem.
 Not only does the cooler air pose a problem, so does the fact that I also have Reynaud's Syndrome..  Where my extremities can be so cold and numb, even in the worst heat of the summer.   This means that my hands and feet are always cold.

So, I have done some serious thinking about the packing of the things that go into the gig bag.  Along with the safety pins, make up, eyelash glue and all of the other incidentals that float around in the bottom of The Black Hole of Calcutta-- also known as my gig bag --
There will be residing permanently-  thick wool socks and slippers...  Hand/foot warming packs that hunters will use to stave off the cold.
This all, just in case, the pain is bad and I need the extra warmth until I can get home from the show and pamper my foot accordingly.

I refuse to allow this to slow me down dance-wise...  especially when I feel like I am finally hitting my stride and comfort zone.
I know that if I am smart about this, plan carefully and take care of my feet, that I can continue to dance for a long time yet. 
I can repeat enough to other dancers.  Care for your feet, they don't have replacement parts.

Downtime...

What a dancer does with her downtime is just as important as her active time ~ Me
Anyone who knows a dancer, knows that we rarely have real downtime, where we do nothing...  We are always working on things.

That said, there really is no such thing as true downtime for a dancer.  There are costumes that need repair, music to be reviewed, photos to be looked at, videos to be watched.... Business cards and flyers that need work... new creations that have to come from somewhere.  The list goes on and on.
It's just that the downtime is much slower... with any hopes, things move at a less frenetic pace.

Tracking Progress

I have come to learn that I am not the only dancer who keeps several journals or notebooks on the kind of work I do in practice.
It seems to be a trend in the last while that I set up some new yearly goals every Aug/September.
I write them down in my practice journal to help me keep track of what I am doing to see if I can reach that goal.

Aside from that I also write down what I want to work on for the month and as I conclude a practice session, I make notes for the things I want to do the next time and what I feel that I need to revisit each practice.

It was last year that I decided that I wanted to on top of my dance practice to really start pushing my stage make-up, up and over the top.  So, in those notes, every time I sat down to do my face for stage, I made careful notes on what I used, brand, color, etc..... 

In the last five years, especially losing the weight I have lost.  Having this habit has really made me more aware of how my body moved at each stage of the loss. Making notes on having to now work harder on my shimmies...  which used to come to me very easily.   I know how they felt on my larger self and how I have had to work with my new body to make them feel the same way.

It's a way of tracking all kinds of progress and help me to stay on task and not blow off my practice or spend lots of time pondering what I should be doing.

I also keep notes and journals on costuming.  Where I bought the fabric.  How I made the base...etc.   These things have also helped to show me on paper the progress of the size changes, the alterations and the general information on how things have changed tremendously over the course of time.

IF you haven't started to journal your own progress, what's keeping you?

Extension of self

Sometimes just dancing is hard enough. 
But then, we go and add props.

Every prop has a mind of it's own.  It doesn't matter if it is swords, veils, fans, canes or any other tool we use.

At the beginning of the year I took a hooping class.  I hadn't picked up a hula hoop since I was a child.   The instructor for that class taught an important lesson in all of this.  As we stood there with our hoops picked up and ready to spin them around...  she told us to let go and let them fall to the ground.
She joked that this was our first real trick.

I happened to find a whole bunch of truth in that, it changed the way that I looked at all of my tools.
I have applied that logic to everything I have picked up again since then.... To pick up my prop and drop it.  Just to remind myself that not everything is going to go as planned and sometimes gravity gets a say so in the works.

The next bit of advice came from working with a static prop.  That advice has been to carry it around with me constantly, until when it is not there, I notice it's absence.
Again a large amount of truth with that one. It makes the prop an extension of my body, part of me.

Now these two pieces of advice may not work with every prop that we use as dancers.  Can you imagine walking around a downtown area with your sword (and face it, some of them are dangerously sharp). It's not for the funny looks that you would get from the public, but instead, having someone make a panicked call to the local police....
What exactly would you do with your veil?  Besides wear that gorgeous piece of silk as a scarf? 
Taking it everywhere would work with a cane...  maybe not the thin bamboo canes with the sparkle tape, but a good solid wooden one...  Take a stroll and swing it around.  It's treated more "normally" than swinging a sword.


This brings me to the best bit of advice that I can give.  If you can't take the item with you, then play with it every chance you get. 
The more familiar you are with your prop of choice the more cool and confident you will look when you are dancing with it.
Give your prop a name, make it personal..  Like a trusted friend.
These tools we use are our dance partners.  If a ballroom dancer stuffed her partner in the wardrobe and only took him out for performances, how polished would they look moving together?

My point.... exactly.

I know who I am when I belly dance.

"I can see you dance.  But, I am not seeing you dance."

These words will forever stick in my head.   They were the words of my first belly dance teacher, who put on music and made me dance for her.  In that moment, I worked so hard at being technically sound, careful with how I linked movements together.  So careful in fact that I disregarded the music as a whole, didn't bother hearing the emotional tone.  I blew it.
She didn't want me to just regurgitate movement to her...  she wanted to see me dance.  To embody the music I was hearing and to transport her to another place.
I was 17.
Some of the deep heartbreaking love songs were quite lost on me. What did I know about true heartbreak or unbridled passion or even the absolute elation that comes with being in love.
The answer, in a word.  Nothing.

There is a saying that women have nothing to dance about until they have lived a little.  This, is not necessarily true, well, not anymore anyway.

All dancers regardless of age have something to say.  Granted, we are not always afforded the places to say them.  Some shows we are expected to be happy-happy-joy-joy and other (far fewer) shows allow us the room and place to really wring ourselves dry on their stages.

Some dancers are not comfortable with moving through the language of the soul or the various emotions we have...  others (like me and a few friends) revel in it.
Some dancers are not comfortable seeing another dancer pour herself out onto the stage others (like me and a few friends) can be disappointed when that happens.

I have long joked with Nancy Asiya that I have had to make a point to switch to waterproof everything, just in case I have to perform after her.  This has been since she moved me to openly weeping and turning all of my make up in Alice Cooper, when she danced her way through heartbreak and the rebirth of herself. 
In that particular piece (which has not been repeated), took me through the wild ride of emotion and left me as an audience member... sitting in my chair agape with gobs of black eye goo running down my face.
I knew what it took for her to lay herself so bare, that watching her dance it... made me feel what she was feeling.
I have in turn, done the same thing to her.

It doesn't happen each and every time we perform.  But, when it does...  I feel that I can see straight through the soles of her dance shoes and into who she is.  Never-mind that she is my best friend, these moments let me see her in a whole new light.

It would be wrong for me to expect every dancer to do this... Some of us are just not wired that way and I have to respect that.  Even though I may encourage another dancer to do let the emotions out of the bag.. I know it isn't comfortable for everyone and not enough performance venues are accepting of it.

I will close by encouraging every single dancer to try at least once in the comfort of your home studio or private practice... to dance your way through various kinds of emotions..  Give yourself the permission to do it behind closed doors.  You will be amazed at who you are when you dance this way.

*buzz, static, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* oww

Feedback-
Anyone who has ever been to a live show, knows that horrible sound...  The monitors buzz for a brief second and everyone scrunches up their face quickly because they know that the horrible scream of feed back is about to come blasting out of the speakers.
It's just plain not a pleasant sound.
With any luck, sound techs can correct the problem and bring everything right back on line, before everyone goes horribly deaf from the ill sound. The best sound techs at this point have made mental notes about their set up and will do everything they can to make sure that mistake is not repeated.

This description applies even to dancers.  The feedback from another dancer or audience member who has watched you perform... The dancer squinches up her face for the blow.

I've worked very hard in my own world learning how to take and give feedback in a positive manner.  It makes me a better dancer.
Blessedly, in my own experience I have a few sources that give me good feedback, that doesn't come from the vicious inner critic who happens to think that everything I do is shite.
This for me came in the form of a beloved dance sister who looked at me one night and delivered the blow in a compliment sandwich... it went like this.
"I really liked what you selected for your music.  Please, don't forget that when the music phrase offers you up something juicy, where you can throw in a very powerful shimmy.  That little mistake aside, I found your ability to convey emotion in your body language, just amazing"

I found that to be a very positive thing.   Two things I could walk away with and be proud and one thing to remember to work on in the future.  Now, if you get several of these after each performance.  You get a solid picture of what you need to improve upon and what you are presently showing as your strengths.


The kind of feedback that does no good, for anyone.
"What were you thinking?  You lost me from the moment you first stepped on stage" .... *blink, blink* and the inner critic comes roaring to the surface with "Told you so.  You suck..  Why do you even bother?"
The other kind of feedback that does no good, for anyone.
"That looks fine"....   Really, Fine?  Not, good, not great, not even a poor?  Nothing specific to improve on and nothing specific that tells you that you are doing really well.

Now, I can say that even my best critique givers have come to me with an entirely negative report, as well as entirely positive reports too.  Never once have they ever given me a blanket "Fine".  Nor, have I ever given it back to them.

However, critique can come to you from everywhere.  It doesn't just have to be from your trusted sources. It can be from the photographer who looks at you and says: "Not many photos of you from the show.  You moved around way to much and well..  You didn't give me anything to shoot at."
The audience member who says: "I like your costume, but, I didn't get what you were doing"

Sound critiques come from everywhere and all should be taken to heart, chewed on and given consideration.
Sure, criticism from someone who doesn't dance, can come across as very harsh and not very helpful.  But, in reality, consider the words.  There is often more help in the words than what your knee jerk reaction thinks.

Let's use the audience member who said "I like your costume, but, I didn't get what you were doing"
That says very simply, that you look pretty and they liked looking at you -  This tells you that you got their attention.
It also tells you that you had a hard time holding their attention, but, they were still trying to appreciate what you were doing.
Long and short-  You are on the right track... but, perhaps your music choice was strange or your movements didn't match the music.
Perhaps, the next thing to do is have a critical look at your video and open a dialogue with one(or more) of your trusted sources and have them watch with you. 
It doesn't mean that you need to make any changes... since you could repeat that performance to a different audience and get rave reviews.

This brings us to the very last form of critique that is the worst of all.  Trolling.  This one really doesn't do anyone any good whatsoever.
If you've been on the internet for at least 10 years, chances are, you have run across one of these kinds of people.   Since truth told.  Trolls are everywhere.  
They are just as nasty in real life as they were in the fairy tale stories we have read.
Yes, Virginia, real life trolls exist.

A troll has NOTHING positive to say... EVER and are often quite nearly bat-shit crazy.
A troll can come in the form of another dancer, whom you may have taken some popularity from or have the potential to take popularity from.  A drummer, who only wants to drum so they can watch you shake your butt. An audience member who only likes one dancer at a show and will smack talk all the other dancers at a show, because they want to make sure that only their favorite gets attention or a random commenter on YouTube, who will say some wild and crazy things in your comments feed, just to get a rise out of you and anyone else who comments.
(Example:  "only whores dance like that" ... or... "I don't understand, why am I not seeing boobies, you MUST remove your costume".... "Old ladies shouldn't dance that way... GROSS")


It doesn't take long to figure out trolls and of course the best way to handle them, is not at all.  Don't feed them, don't respond to them... and most importantly... if they are nasty... don't let their crazy rub off on you.


Long and short.  Feedback, is often good..  should be taken with a grain of salt, paid attention too and yes, sometimes is best ignored.

Men in Belly Dance

Have you ever wondered why belly dance has so few male belly dancers?  Seriously, when you look at the sheer number of belly dancers total, the men make up such a small percentage.
Why is that?

Is it because female instructors are focused on making a women positive or women only environment?
Is it because a female instructor feels that she is unable to teach a man how to dance?
Is it lack of interest on the whole from the men?
(excepting of course the men who have sought out this dance..  But we already know they are a rare breed)
Or- do you think that it might be, because society still seems to have a dim view of men who dance anything but ballroom?

So...  I would really like to hear your opinion on this one. 

Making Art vs Fame Seeking.

I have Malcom McLaren to thank for the title of this topic as well as this discussion.
http://www.ted.com/talks/malcolm_mclaren_authentic_creativity_vs_karaoke_culture.html

As we have all seen in dance, there are some people who get into it because they want to be famous. They have this vision that they can make a fortune doing something they love.
Why not?  We've been taught to do the things we love and make money doing it, because that is the path to fulfillment.

However the fame that comes from being a dancer, does eventually peter out and like many other "celebrities".  Still wanted by the people who have admired you and yet, usurped by the "next best thing".
It's also true for regular celebrities too...  Singers and Bands who were "the shit" at one point haven't been heard from in years... Spawning the VH1 TV show or news articles on "Where are they now?"

For all of us... Whether it's acting, music, sports or any other art form.  We all got into it because of something that we love.  Some got famous... others, out of the lime light and are rocking their respective arts in places that are not so famous.
You can always find these not-so-famous folks in places like, community theater, pubs, community ball fields and other sporting places.  But, you can also find the formerly famous in these places too.

I am reminded that the Detroit Red Wings allegedly found formerly famous player Joe Kocur playing hockey on a beer league team, before bringing him back to play in the NHL and then consequently win the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in decades.
Why was he in the Beer League anyway?  The only answer that I can fathom, is that he was there because he loved hockey and wanted to keep playing, even though the big league was done with him.  Love and a willingness to keep himself submersed it something he is passionate about.

For me, personally, I don't teach and perform dance because I want to get famous.  I do it because I want to make art, because I love it, because I feel as though I will suffocate if I am not dancing.
Fame is the farthest thing from my mind... 
To say that I have not ever considered fame as an outcome, would be a big fat lie.
The concept of fame has crossed my mind.  Wouldn't it be cool to travel the world and meet people everywhere I go?  Wouldn't it be awesome to have left a footprint on the dance community that my name is on everyone's lips?

Why yes, it would be cool.  But, then I think with the practical side of my brain. Traveling the world and leaving such a foot print has some costs that ought to be considered.  Every time a bag is packed and I would be off somewhere. That is a period of time without my family and friends. Away from my goofy dogs and cats.  Away from the dance community I really do love being a part of....  so busy planning, plotting and trying so hard to meet the demands of that fame.  To be constantly forced to create things for the consumption of the masses.

I have come to learn that I am much happier staying home and creating things that I enjoy.  Sharing my creations with the community and the audiences that are around our community.  I have come to learn that this simple thing, this non-wishing for fame, has given me such a sense of satisfaction and rewards me in return.

No, I much prefer being the artistic, rule breaking punk, that you all know...Yes, I find much more satisfaction in creating art just for the purpose of creating art.

Think Again...

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. - Apple Inc.


Proud to be a Rebel!

A Sense of Community

I am very blessed to be a part of a Good Dance Community.
It's not without it's problems or it's hiccups, but on the whole it is a good and healthy community.

We've grown quite a bit in the last five years and it seems to want to continue to grow.
We are a pretty healthy dance community, the area instructors get along and are good about referring people back and forth to help get their needs met, we share information about gigs, shows and the occasional problems.  We give good and honest critiques and listen when they are given.

Fellow dancers are always willing to pin a costume, pass the eyelash glue and give one another a shot in the arm, pat on the back and even hugs when needed.
We welcome dancers from far and wide and make a point to try to extend them the same courtesy as we do to the "usual suspects"

Now, please note, I am not saying that we don't have our drama, our Diva's, snarkiness or any other kind of bad experience.  They do happen, but to me it seems few and far between, and they don't seem to last long.

I hear stories from many other dancers that I talk to, so many have complaints about under cutting, hijacked gigs and pretty vicious gossip and back-stabbing.

It seems to me that our little community is an odd one.
I could wish that other communities could take a lesson from us.
What we do is not that difficult.
It seems that the old saying "Treat others as you would like to be treated." is taken to heart and we act on that.

I will say, again and again.  I am blessed

Glitter vs Hardware

This, is actually going to be a bit personal.. No sage advice, no bits of insight..  Nope, this is just me.
Some of you may have seen me recently wearing a cabaret style costume.  It's purple, gorgeous, fits well.
But, it also feels very strange and foreign to me. In many ways, it's just not my style.

Now, I'll stop some of the arguments right away. I will not, in any way, state that it is anything other than  beautiful costume, nor will I argue that it looks good on me.   Truth is, it's gorgeous and looks gorgeous on.

But, I am far more comfortable as a dancer in my "normal" costumes.

Truth told, it's hard for me to stand behind my statement that "Boxes are for dancing ON. Boxes are NOT for dancing IN" 
That is part of the reason you have seen me recently in this particular kind of costume.  It's to shove me out of my comfort zone. 

I can say that I have done it.. I've tried it, but, I would like my dance pants, t-shirt bra and fender washer belt back...  please!!

Presently, I feel like a drag queen in this style of costume still.  I am not going to say that you won't see me in something like this again..  Maybe you will.  But, perhaps it will be something of my own design, with my own punk/rebel edge to it.  (there are a few in the works that would fit MY comfort level, but still have that glamorous kind of look).

But, for now, it is time to return me to my regular scheduled dance wear.   The kind I can sit on the floor in and not have a care if I pull a string....  at least that string doesn't have THOUSANDS of glass beads attached.
We will see what the future holds...

I am likely going to get into my box and see what other kinds of toys I can throw out onto the floor.  We all know that will be interesting.  But, I am not getting in that box to stay.

Oh...  if you really want to know why I am addicted to dance pants....

It's because it feels like I am dancing in my jammies!

The 4th Wall

It's defined as: The fourth wall is the imaginary "wall" at the front of the stage in a traditional three-walled box set in a proscenium theatre. (paraphrased)  The idea was explicit by Denis Diderot

As belly dancers we don't always get to experience the 4th wall, in the same way that performers in traditional theatre comapnies, get to experience it.

For them, it is a pretty real thing... well as real as air can be.  But, to them, it is very real and tangible.
That blackness that is beyond the footlights of the stage creating a barrier between the peering eyes of the audience and themselves.

More often than not, our audiences are right there, for us to see all of their expressions.   If we dance in a restaurant, we can find severs and costumers alike wandering through our space to get to places that are around us.  That dance space can sometimes be invaded my the small child who has the very unashamed exuberance to come and dance with us.


It can be hard for us to actually have the experience of the 4th wall without a theater. 

But, we actually do create them.
You begin to create the fourth wall as you perform, by perfecting the "Thousand Yard Stare"...  Where you look over the heads of the audience, when you look down at the floor, toward back stage....  any where but into the eyes of the audience.

But, that is not the only time we create it.
For some of us we begin building this wall during our performance preparations, for some, it could go much farther back....  to the moment where you have chosen a "stage name"..  Separated by some degree or completely from your real name.
The security of the stage name has a pretty rich history...  Many performers have done this to create a semblance of anonymity/mystery or to disguise their nationality...  (example: Lady Gaga is really....... Martin Sheen's real name is.............), it was also done to give a performer some privacy from the lime light as well as a safe haven from Fanatics (more commonly known as Fans.

Now, not everyone takes a stage name.  That is a matter of personal choice and not one made lightly. Since as belly dancers we tend to take on a name from a culture that we are not always from.  The selection of a name can take some careful planning.  You have spelling variances to consider, this that can connect you to a region.. the meanings of the names and maybe even learning how to pronounce them correctly.  (after all, a mispronunciation can take you from being "beautiful eyes" to "dog faced elephant" very quickly)

There's one building block for some and the foundation of the wall for others.

After the name, the creation of the 4th wall is much more tangible.  It begins as we physically prepare ourselves for the show. 
For me, personally.  It starts when I begin putting on my make up, this marks the point where I am becoming Fajera. 
(Now, to the dancers who are backstage with me...  You see the real ME more than the audience does. Of course, it is hard to be my stage self... when you have seen me in my spanx and have held up a veil or been a peeper blocker backstage.)
The audience, who know my stage me and whom have never talked to me post show.  Have no idea that I snort when I giggle hard enough or that my nose gets numb after a couple glasses of wine.






Some dancers are fantastic about maintaining that 4th wall and some insist on it staying there. They will not shimmy chase a server across the carpet, shoulder shimmy the 80 year old man who's out for birthday dinner.  I'm leaving out the kid, because no one can really ignore the cute 3 year old shaking their diaper. (or bigger... either way, all kids have carte blanche for stealing the show, just for being cute... )But, they will accept the praise from the audience.
They are NOT going to invite them to be familiar and join us all as we take ourselves out for post-show breakfast.

Other dancers, don't mind being accessible to the audience. For them, it's kind of a half of the 4th wall.  They don't mind looking out and engaging the audience, encouraging them to clap in 4/4 time to a 9/8 song, flirting with the same 80 year old man or anything else that may take us to their level, only because we engaged them.
Again, this kind of dancer will always be gracious to the audience, but, no post show Toasties...

Then, there are the dancers who are totally comfortable with complete familiarity.  I personally, do not know anyone like this.  I am sure they are there...

The 4th wall, even for us, is there even if we don't have the blackness beyond the footlights.

Not my writings....

At the moment, I have no new words for ya...  However, I wanted to make sure that I shared this, with all of you.
As someone I look to as both a friend and a mentor, her words in this blog are just priceless.  They are the words that all dancers need to hear.
So, with great pleasure, I am sharing with you, Tempest's Blog. 

Tempest's Blog

Summer has arrived....

I think.

Since my last post was all about caring for the feet, because without them we can't dance.
I figured I might do a little more regarding caring for the body too.

Summer for many dancers means very simply... Outdoor performances.  Which brings a challenge to every dancer.  Sunburns and dehydration.

Sunburns are easy enough to handle.. We all know to slather on the goop that is sunscreen before putting on the costumes and to wear our coverups and seek shade and shelter while waiting our turns.

Dehydration is another matter entirely.

We've all been taught to not let the audience catch you eating or drinking.   Since it tends to blow them away that we are human.
While I agree that we shouldn't be caught falling down drunk, because we have opted to lube our nerves with alcohol....  I can't say that I agree with not having a bottle of water close by.

We are human and some of us have costumes that are full of dark and heavy fabrics, they weigh a bit more than street clothes and some of us do employ the wearing of turbans, which in truth just adds to the overheating factor.

It's smart for us to keep water handy...  Not always convenient when it comes to finding a non busy restroom to recycle the water, but...  water serves a purpose in allowing us to stay cool and not get sick before or after a performance because we are hot.
So... if you are really serious about not being caught drinking...  keep your water somewhere you can escape to, just so you can have a drink.
But, don't forgo the water.

Fajera's Feet -- Your Feet

Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole weight rests. It's a miracle, and the dance is a celebration of that miracle. -- Martha Graham

I have always been in awe of feet.  They have a very thankless job.  

Back several years I worked as a licensed professional nail technician, in a salon.  One of my jobs was also pedicures.  It was there that I really began to develop and appreciation for feet.
During this time, I remember reading somewhere, that during the course of a day, our feet carried the weight of a full grown elephant.  (sadly, I cannot site the source, even with trying to find the quote on the internet)

Since becoming a more serious dancer, I have come to the very clear understanding that a dancers feet are incredibly abused.

If our feet as dancers are not cared for, we kind wind up with all kinds of foot injuries and ailments.  

One of the biggest is Plantar Fasciitis.  Which is defined as irritation and swelling of the thick tissue on the bottom of the foot.  Sounds painful, right?  Imagine having your feet hurt so badly that you don't want to walk, let alone dance on them.

(dancers and athletes are no longer the only people who suffer from this problem...  many full time heel or flip flop wearers are reporting this type of injury)

My goal with this blog is to get you to look down at your tootsies and take notice of the miracle that is the human foot. 
I have said many times since retiring from the professional nail care profession, that there has been a huge plus side to the number of Mani-Pedi salons that have popped up.... (besides putting many professionals out of business, by the business practice of undercutting prices.... We're dancers, we know all about undercutting, right?).  That plus-side is the fact that more women (and men) than ever before have taken advantage of getting regular pedicures.
They have taken it from a luxury item to something affordable and instead of an hour with a pedicurist, you can get in and out in record time.

However, there are a few things that any person, but most importantly a dancer should know about their feet before ever dipping them into the water.

• There is a right and wrong way to trim your toenails.  Just ask anyone who has ever had an ingrown toenail.  Not everyone's toenails can bet cut in the same manner. Just like finger nails, the way I wear mine and the way you wear yours are not going to be the same.

It is highly recomended that you leave your toenail a little on the long side and trim them straight across, not in a round shape.  They should be trimmed when dry, never when they are wet, because the nail itself can and will tear, creating an environment for problems.
Since most nail trimmers are in a round shape, the best way to get them straight across is with a nail file.

However, if you do need to trim them...  doing it in small cuts and sections is much easier. 

Never, let anyone cut down in the side of the nail..  Those grooves are there for a reason and a bad cut down the side.... you are just begging for an ingrown toenail.

( I do indeed use a file on mine and happen to prefer a bit of a free-edge instead of being level with the tip of my toe)

• The next thing that you need to understand is callouses.  The callous of your foot is there to protect your foot from damage.  The skin is supposed to grow thick in the areas in which your feet touch the ground, which for most of us, is the heel, the outside edge, the ball of the foot and the toes.  (One has only to get their foot wet and make a foot print to see where those areas are).

 The goal of a pedicure is to soften the callous so it does not look, dried, cracked or thick.  Do not under any circumstance allow a pedicurist to "remove" the callous.  As a total removal or, removing too much of that thickened skin will cause the callous to grow back with a vengeance. 
Remember it is there to protect the foot.

It is often frowned upon for anyone other than a Podiatrist to use a metal implement on the foot.  This includes metal rasps and razors. (and yes, even that god-awful "Ped Egg. Cheese grater looking thing.)
The best way to soften callous is with a pumice "sponge" (which is not the stone, style) or a foot file. 
A little bit of exfoliant or soap will give it a hand.

• Go easy on the toe cuticle too... again, there for a reason!!!!

To polish, or not to polish.... Totally your choice.
Me, I like polish.   Love it, actually.  I may not polish my fingernails regularly, but, you can bet I have color on my toes. 

As we all know, some of us like to be barefoot, wear mole skins or sandals, ballet/jazz flats or heels.  That it completely and utterly dancers choice.  There is no wrong school when it comes to foot wear, unless of course your choice of footwear is ill-fitting.  Certainly, this is an aesthetic that is dependent on the dancer. Some styles look best with shoes, others, look best with bare feet.  Some venues call for covering the feet, some do not.

If you choose to dance in your bare footed glory, remember to care for your feet post show.  This may mean a scrubbing and a self-massage post show.   We have all come home from a show with "Mystery Black Gunk" on our feet.    Dancing in heels may require the same kind of post-show rub down. 

We are only granted one pair of original hardware from birth to death.  So, it is our job to care for them for as long as they keep us upright and moving.

Take care of them and they will care for you.

..... 5, 6, 7, 8......

Since I did the last one on Improvisation.  I thought that I would comment toward the fact of Choreography.

Choreography is a deficit for me.  It's not that I don't like it, but it is a skill I don't have down.

There is something about a well planned piece that looks just amazing.  There is so much time and planning that goes into it.   You listen to the music with a different kind of ear than if you are improvising.

There are so many ways to choreograph that it boggles my brains.
There is the style where you have no music and the moves in sequence just come to you, then you find a piece of music where you tie it all together, adjusting the speed of the movements to match the musical phrasing.

Then you have the style where you listen to a particular piece in segments and match the movements to that, linking these increments together

If that doesn't blow your mind....  you have another where you have combination's of movements that you have already written down and then you string those together making adjustments and new combination to go from move A to B and so forth.

I have no doubt that choreographers have many other ways to put this stuff together that I haven't listed.  Since, I am sure that no two dancers do anything the same way.

Any way it gets done, is a time consuming and very rewarding way of putting together a performance. 
But, we cannot forget the kind of practice that goes with choreography.  The time that goes into making each part of it just perfect.  The drilling, the counting, the linking of one segment of music to another. 
You've created something reliable, something you can count on.
A sense of satisfaction that you have started and finished a piece and can go back to it time and again.

The time that goes into this style of working with your dance and music, marks a very well organized and shows a marked kind of professionalism that leaves me, as an audience member in awe of what they have created.  Inspired to watch and understand that they have heard a piece of music differently than I have.

I am not just talking about a solo artist, this kind of awe also goes with troupe directors and troupes that have mastered this kind of style as a whole. 
I imagine that as a troupe director you have the additional pressure of being patient with your dancers.  Working with them to get them on board to your vision of movement and then helping them to practice again and again to make sure that everyone hands, feet and heads are all on the same angle, the same distance apart and encouraging them to get all on the same page at the same time.
I also imagine that as a soloist, you have a little more room to wiggle, since you only have yourself to worry about even a bit of room for error.  Since it won't be as obvious to the audience if you turn left, when you should have gone right.

While I am in awe of those who can do this.  It won't stop me from continuing to try to develop this skill.  At the moment, it is all about baby steps for me in this direction.  A combination here and there, until I find a way to link them all together in a way that makes sense to me.

Until the dimmer switch in my head, goes blaring to full bright.  I will continue to watch and be awestruck by the dancers who do this and do it well.   My hats off to you and I will forever be grateful for the beauty you give to dance and will strive to better this skill.

Walking the tight rope.

In every dancers life, improv happens at least once. (this does not include ATS or ITS)
Whether it's live music with drummers or a band playing a piece of music you don't know very well or have had no say-so in what they play or it's in having music gremlins show up and you dance to someone else's music.

It doesn't always happen on purpose.

Either way, dancing in an improvisational style is not always easy it can be very scary. 

I am hoping with this piece I can take some of the fear away, since I happen to love improvising and being very impromptu with my own style.
There are a few things that you should have together when it comes to this.

The first and hardest thing to do is to Trust Yourself.
As I have said before (and will likely repeat) we all have an inner critic who is incredibly hard to deal with.  This critic can really jack you up in the head if you let it.  So, I highly recommend learning to ply this critic with chocolate a glass of wine and a good dose of  "Shut the hell up.".

The next thing to do is Let Go.
What happens when you hit the stage, is going to happen no matter what.  You can't stop this mad freight train.


Once you do those two things there are a few important things to remember.
You know the moves.
Chances are, you have been dancing for a while now. The movement vocabulary is strong with you.  You've been in class, practicing and watching LOTS of video footage of yourself and other dancers.
On your own, during improv you may actually move a little differently than you would in class, with your troupe or with your other dancers, you may execute these moves in a different order than you have in the past.   This is where letting go and trusting yourself are incredibly important.   Just because you are doing them in a different order does not make it wrong, it makes it yours.


You understand musical phrasing.
This simply means that you know what moves go where in music.  You know to move differently with both taxim and percussion heavy moments in the music.
When you are improvising with music you don't know very well, you may not know how long either of these portions will last.  This may make your movements a beat or two off...  While the ears hear it, the brain processes it and translates it to your muscles.   This synapse of movements is mere seconds.  Not enough that the audience will notice that you are behind the music. 
It's not like you are going to stand there dumbstruck while this happens.
You will probably recognize this if you were to see video footage of this performance, but again, give chocolate to your inner critic, trust and let go.

You have a great support system.
Any other dancer who is in the audience(or back stage), will understand what you are doing is impromptu.  Even if they themselves do not dance this way, they will have an understanding and and appreciation for the fact that this is not something for the faint of heart.
Any non-dancer in the audience who understands what improvisation is, will also understand and appreciate this, for the simple fact that what they are seeing is raw and unedited.
The adulation's that they will give to you at the end of the performance are NOT lip-service.
Again, trust and let go.  Let the praise stifle the inner-critic. 

 Even as I reread this, it seems like I have over-simplified.  However, that is really all there is to this kind of movement.
This does not take away all of the trepidation, it won't quell the worries or fears.   Words on a screen cannot do that for you. 
Just like riding a bike for the first time without training wheels, you have to actually do it to appreciate the fact that it does settle you down and can easily become something that you can do without thinking too hard.


I am aware that I have made this sound really simple and easy to do.  But, trust me when I say that the very first time I had to improvise to music that was not my own.... Was terrifying.  I had to admit to the producer of the show, that it was not my music. I was shaking and near tears after my performance, feeling very much that I had just made an absolute fool of myself.
At the time I was at the early stage of performing as a soloist and did not know that it was okay to stop the music then and there to say "Not my music.".
However, it was the praise that came afterward that I did such a good job with the performance that I was hooked on dancing this way.

To this day, most of my practicing is done improv style.  I find myself in a state of creativity doing this.  Stumbling on new combination's, making good friends with the combination's of movements that I have come to trust and rely on.
Improvisation is not for everyone, some dancers are not wired for it and take great comfort in carefully choreographed and well counted movements.  This is 100% okay. 

Remember, there is no wrong way to dance.   Dance is exactly what it is, no matter if you are exacting in your movements or if you are flying by the seat of your pants.

The Painting of War (Part 4)- Down the Drain

I have said more than once that one of the toughest things I have ever done is to remove all my make up.
This includes tugging off the eyelashes and getting all of my waterproof gel eye-liner and mascara off my face.


Removing the War Paint is equally important to putting it on.  Please don't skip this step.
Obviously, you need a good face wash, make-up remover and moisturizer.

I'll get brand specific again, only because these products have worked wonders for me and don't leave me picking black goo out of the corners of my eyes in the morning.

Pond's Cold Cream-   After more than 150 years in business, it's a trusted brand for a reason...  It has not let me down, and gets 90% of the War Paint off in one shot...(Including RED lipstick)

Vaseline Petroleum Jelly- Another age old company.   It gets all the gunk off my eyes, out of my lashes and brows, including eyelash glue.
(I know that there are the old wives tales about it making wrinkles...  Pssh, I use it to remove and the follow with a wash)

Cetaphil Face Wash - I follow all of that washing with a clean wash cloth and Cetaphil... Which has got to be one of the gentlest washes.

Pat dry and follow with your moisturizer.

There is one more thing that I do use.   Because of wearing contacts and of course my lenses are out when doing all this rubbing and scrubbing..  I do tend to sometimes wind up with very irritated eyes post-show.
I use Bausch and Lomb Soothe Lubricant Eye Drops. 

So, that's it....  The Painting of War. 

The Painting of War (part 3)

We've now got our tools and canvas ready to go, now comes time for coloring.
But, since you are all sitting here with your faces ready to go and just gorgeous.....  What's next?

Color of course.

Now, stage make up is NOT the same as your daily make up.  It should be bold, vibrant and yes, over the top.  To paraphrase Princess Farhana (who, is getting ready to start a make-up video... I can't wait) "It's somewhere between Hooker and Drag Queen"

She is very right about this.  She is right because there are a few things to remember about stage face.
Camera flashes, foot lights, overhead stage lighting and follow spots can completely wash you out.  We don't always get to perform with "Mega Lighting", but, if you are in the habit of doing "Mega Make-Up", you won't have to worry about making it right should you find yourself performing in "Mega-Lighting".


I know you are itching to get the color on your face, but, I am going to point you to some reading and viewing.
Princess Farhana's Advice    For gals with Hooded Eyes-   Even if you don't have hoodies-  This is a MUST READ.  (please note, she has other great cosmetic tips...  She's a make-up whore too)
MissChievous -Make Up Tutorials   For all different great tips on make up.  While these looks are great, don't forget to take them up and over the top for stage.

Now, I have to tell you, that without the two ladies mentioned above.  My own stage make up wouldn't look like it does.  They have both been a source of education and inspiration.

Now, I am not going to tell you what colors to use, that is totally up to you. Remember, if you think your make up is too much....  Walk away and come back and color it again and again.   It is totally okay for your make up to be way over the top.

The Painting of War (part 2)

Here we go gang, now is the time where we begin prepping the canvas to begin our painting.

You've got your brushes and your vanity area is well lit, you've got your mirrors together.

Get your magnifying mirror, because we are about to get very frank.  Take a good look at your reflection.  I'm going to skip past fine lines and wrinkles, we are even going to skip blemishes and zits.... For now.
We are going to talk about facial hair. Yep, I am talking about the dark or light wiry hairs.
You have two choices here.
Live with them, as many of my friends do, quite happily and with much confidence.
OR
Remove them.  If you choose to remove them, I recommend having a professional give you a hand.  IF you have a friend who is brave or sadistic enough to not mind you swearing, crying as they tweeze or rip the hair from your face, you can go that route too.
DO NOT, IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS SHAVE THESE HAIRS!! 

For some reason, shaving these hairs tends to encourage these little buggers to multiply --  Like Rabbits!

Once you have made your own choice regarding the wearing or not of facial hair.  The next place to looSk, is your eyebrows.
We all know that the eyes are the windows to your soul... That makes your eyebrows the Window Panes, may as well make them look nice.
This is another spot where I will recommend that you have a professional help you get the best shape for your brows.  Once they are done, you can maintain them fairly easily on your own or with the help of the same sadistic friend who likes pulling the hair out of your face. 
(Just remember, if your sadistic friend pulls your hair out, turn about is fair play, giving you a great option for revenge)

When all the irritation goes down, take a look at your new face. 

Now, we are ready to really prep the canvas.
Here are the things that you will need to prep the canvas:
Moisturizer
Face Primer
Concealer
Foundation
Eye Primer
Lip Primer

Give your face a good washing and moisturize. 
Have a seat at your vanity table and flip on those lights..  Give your clean skin a good once over visually.  When your moisturizer has soaked in put on your whole face primer.  (Read the directions, some face primers state quite plainly to avoid certain areas like eyes and lips -- I don't recommend that you risk this.  Besides, you have eye and lip primer to use)
Time to conceal.  This means using those pink, green and yellow correctors.  Each once does a certain job, so make sure you are using the correct color for the job.
Use the concealer brush to apply the concealers and hide all the sins of the skin.

Now you can begin with the foundation.   Using the foundation brush, paint on your foundation.  The brush will help you get all the areas of your face smooth and covered.  It's very okay for you to pull your foundation down under your chin and down the neck. 
Follow with your eye and lip primers. 

Now, the canvas is ready to receive color.
The primers under your foundation, eye and lip colors will help your make up sit on your face rather than filling in all the fine lines, wrinkles or sinking into your skin.   You will look so much more flawless and smooth in the face.

The Painting of the War (part1)

Happy Easter, everyone!!

I've had a lot of questions and comments regarding my performance make up. 
I thought I would help take some of the mystery out of how I do it. So, I am going to do this as a series of posts.

Being a self-confessed make-up whore, there is no single brand that I use on my skin.  Instead, there is a lot of mish-mash.  All depending on how my skin has reacted to things.  (I tend to have sensitive skin and I wear contacts, which, right there means that I have had to try different brands to make sure both my skin and my eyes agree with the kind of goop I am putting on them)

That out of the way, I figured I would start the series the same way that an artist would.   Afterall, they don't make works of art right from the middle.  They have to gather up the tools and prep the canvas first.  Cosmetic application is very much the same.  Your face is the canvas.

So, let's start with just tools:
Invest in Brushes, for everything!
Concealer
Foundation
Blush
Loose Powder
Eye shadow brushes of EVERY shape that is made, from angled to fan brushes.
Eyeliner
Eyebrow
Lip Brushes
Tweezers
Mirror(s) (Standard and Magnified)

Truthfully, you will want nice brushes, they don't have to be natural haired they can be synthetic.  In my opinion you would want good quality synthetics.  The kind that feel soft to the touch.

Once you have your army of brushes, the next thing you will truly want is a good soap to clean them with.  Even if you haven't spent a fortune on them, might as well take good care of your tools.
(I'll get a bit brand specific here-  I use Dr Bonner's Soap.  The Baby Formula for mine. )

Your next trusty tool is tape.... Yes, Tape.... Scotch Tape...   Be cautious if you have sensitivities to adhesives, since they are going on your face. You may have to do some experimenting here, but, once you find a tape that works for you, STICK WITH IT!!!  (pun intended)

Not that you have collected your tools.  The next thing you really want to look at is your workspace.
Personally, I find it a shame that Vanity Tables have gone the way of other antiques.  Because truthfully, you may find that your new tools and other items may crowd your bathroom, unless you are blessed with large counter space.
IF you happen to have the space for it, make yourself a vanity area, this will help you prepare yourself for the Painting of War.  If you are a bit tight on space, get a little creative and you can make one that is easy to set up and take down.
Lighting is very important for putting on the face.  Even if you are getting ready in the bathroom, you are going to want to take a trip to Home Depot and get yourself some true color light bulbs.


Okay, we are just about ready to get started with the prepping the canvas portion.  But, you should now have the most basic of all tools needed.

Ever wonder...

Who else I am reading?
There are a couple dancers whose blogs I follow.

If you are curious to know what is in the mind of Tempest
You can find her blog here:
http://darklydramatic.blogspot.com/

However, before you go thinking that it only has to do with The Goth Bellydance Scene....  It doesn't.  She covers far more than just the one scene in her blog.  Be prepared to be both surprised and amazed as she covers many aspects of dance and how we can shoot ourselves in the feet.

Another writer/dancer I follow is the Legendary Princess Farhana.
You can find her blog here:
http://princessraqs.blogspot.com/

Following her is always a treat.  She covers many other aspects of performing and has a wealth of advice and information on how to make the most of the world around us.  I am (like many others) following her Thinking Girls Guide To Belly Dance Styles.  However, this blog is totally worth going back into the archives and seeing what else is hiding in the treasure trove!

One more for your perusal, is Nyla Crystal.
You can find her here:
http://www.bellydancebrilliance.com/

Once again, totally worth the time to read.  She covers all kinds of things about dance here.  Including, comic relief.


Truthfully, all the dancers I follow in blog land (and I am finding more blogs constantly), are worth the time to read. It's great insight into the minds of some incredibly talented women and for me, far more fun than scouring YouTube.
Should you stumble onto someone whom you think would be a great addition to my reading, I would greatly appreciate a link.

Happy Reading!

Costuming for yourself.

I began costuming for myself when I started getting serious about actually performing.
It started because I couldn't afford to purchase the costumes that are made on the mass market.
Especially, since when I started, finding anything in a plus size was a nightmare.

I was determined to find a way to learn to make affordable costumes..  Something that wouldn't kill my budget.
Since I am a thrift store queen, I learned quickly that it would be much cheaper to purchase a used prom dress and recycle/re-purpose as much as possible. 
From there, I learned how to butcher up a bra and recycle blue jeans to make belt bases.

It has been both heartbreaking and rewarding to make a costume for myself.
Heartbreaking, because when my body changed, I was looking at pieces with 40 to 80 hoursof work, that I would be unable to alter.
Rewarding, because I was able to say, "I made it."

Some of my designs have been pretty wild and even the places I look for embellishments have been a bit off-beat.  After all, who would have considered that the local hardware store would be my best place to find unusual things?

I've also been smart enough to utilize websites for tips on "don't do that" or "hey, that's a good idea"
Thanks to The Ugly Costume Goddess.  Where one can find really, truly hideous costumes or good ideas.  It's taught me to try my hardest to avoid mistakes, like leaving too much evidence of the base materials, over or under done embellishments.

I've also learned to trust my drawing skills a little more.  It's funny to look back at some of my early doodles, that literally were stick figures with colored things on them.    I am still not the best at drawing.  But, I can now get the basic concept across if I show the doodle to a friend.

Dancing has taught me more about how creative I can be and not just with movement.  But, with drawing, coloring, sewing and much, much more.
I find ideas for costumes, everywhere I look...  From the common household trash bags to wildlife and flowers.

Exploration

Apparently 2011, is going to be the year for revisiting and further exploration of pieces I have already done.


It started at the beginning of March and the simple fact that I had missed a date loading my calendar.
This meant, that I needed a piece of music quickly...  no time to dink around with something new.
So, where best to go than to the "show music" file in the MP3 Player.
(Yes, I do move the music to that file, just so I can keep track of what I have done in the past).


I selected a piece I was comfortable with one that I liked and had fun with originally. 
This was found to be a very satisfying experience.  I had lots of fun..  More fun than I did the first time.

Orient Express will be the same for me..  I will be taking out a bit of music that I have used before, had fun with the first time... and taking it for a spin around the block.

April Casbah- is getting a new piece of music... One I have yet to test beyond the practice time I have given it.

I'm looking forward to working this way and seeing what kind of fun I can have.

The innocence of youth

As I promised...
It's time to go over the great things that young dancers bring into the family.
While we older dancers are long past the innocence of youth.  We get reminders by the constant influx of young dancers and what they bring.
One of the biggest things that they bring is the wide-eyed wonder at the world they have just waltzed into.
Everything to them, is shiny and new..  overwhelming even. We watch them hungrily gobble up music, costumes, styles, videos and inspiration... all done with the kind of gusto that only a starving soul can bring.
It's all done at a maddening pace.
So much so, that we often get caught up in the excitement again with them.  It's infectious.

They bring a kind of silliness with them too, where they are pairing strange music and movements that many seasoned dancer might frown on... pairing 9/8 music with 4/4 steps.
All too often, the seasoned dancer gets caught up in the criticism of it.... and forgets that for the younger dancer this is the equivalent of a baby finding their toes for the first time.
We forget that they will grow out of this odd pairing as they gain more experience.

Watching a young dancer, who is so excited for this new thing they have found... Should be reminding us that we were that way too...  no matter how long ago.
Some of us watch them patiently stumble and fall on the road to finding their own niche in this vast community.
We desperately need to remember that we did too...  We weren't always so good at selecting music, costumes or even putting on enough make up. 

When it comes to watching my younger "sisters" perform.  I prefer to sit back with no judgment and watch her explore and experiment with this new form of expression.
I understand when they are all wound up before a show or other event..  just bubbling over with excitement and trepidation.


There is so much that we can learn from the most inexperienced of dancers...  Just sit back and watch next time. Let go of all your expectations for her and watch her blossom.  It's amazing.

Age is no reason to stop

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/NFL-8217-s-oldest-cheerleader-will-have-her-lif?urn=nfl-wp574

The NFL's oldest cheerleader is 42 years old and she is going to get her own movie.

In dance, I am surrounded by fantastic women who are older than I am. Women, who aren't taking the concept of aging, sitting down, in fact, some of them are building a tremendous head of steam.

I have never wanted my age to stop me from doing anything.  It's a part of life, I can't stop the march of time, I can't stop or reverse what age and time will do to my hair, my face or my body.
In fact, there is only one thing I can control.
What I do with myself as I age and slowing down.. is NOT one of those things.

There is something that an older dancer brings to her practice and performance. A life lived seasons that performance adding a perspective that a younger dancer doesn't have.
(Please, note, younger dancers will get their own note, soon).

So, to all the dancers, my age and older..  Cheers to us.

Costume Closet

As many of you are aware, I have gone through some pretty big physical changes recently.
This has caused for me to take a long hard look at the costume closet.
There are some pieces that I made size specific that I am not able to take in.
Others have been adjusted as far as I can go.

This means new costumes for me... and for everyone else--- A sale!

I will be posting photos and approximate sizing on these costumes.

Queue Stage Fright in....3, 2, 1....

For some, this is never an issue.   There is no fear in performing. 
For others... just the idea of getting on stage leaves you weak in the knees, breathless, shaking and offering up silent prayers that there is a trash can or an empty bathroom stall, should things get so overwhelming.
That is me.
The moments before a show are often filled with the worst kind of anxiety.

I have gotten better at quelling the butterflies or at least hiding them from everyone else.
If you see me backstage or in the wings, I may have the picture of a calm face, but the truth is 9 times out of 10. I am anything but calm.

The things that run through my head when I am nervous are amazing.
Here are just a few of them.
1. I will be center stage, with my music playing and I will freeze, in place staring out at the audience and them back at me, with me being helpless.. unable to move.
2. IF I am able to move, the audience will hate me, leaving me to wonder why I even tried.
3. (the most recent and very real fear) That I will do something that I have done a million times before with success and my body will betray me.  That my knee(s) will suddenly break.

These are the top three fears in my head.. Besides the tripping on my costume or having some devastating costume malfunction.

I never know when this anxiety is going to hit.  Sometimes, it happens the moment I arrive at the venue, other times it starts several days before a show.  Often when it starts that early, I can work myself straight up into a full blown panic attack.

Thanks to all my very supportive friends and fellow dancers, I have not yet experienced any of the worst fears. (Except having my knee break in practice)
My most wonderful best friend shared with me the trick of trying to name all Seven Dwarfs..  Making my brain do something very real, while letting my muscles do what they know they need to do.
Tempest, shared taking a couple very deep breaths and holding them for a moment or two..  again, causing the brain to slow down.
The other wonderful thing, is that I am blessed to perform with many of the same dancers at every show. Which is a source of comfort for me.  Knowing that my friends will be there to either cheer me on or pass over the ice bag and a box of tissues or to help clear a path to either a toilet or trashcan depending on what I need.  (Of course, someone having a flask filled with something I can drown the butterflies in, NEVER hurts)

The funny thing about performance anxiety is that actors and dancers are NOT alone in it. Athlete's of all kinds face these same fears.
None of us deal with them the same way either. 
The tricks that work for one, don't always work for someone else.

So far, I have honestly learned that making friends with that anxious feeling is what helps me the most.  Don't get me wrong.  This is not the kind of best friend I want around.  It's more like the unwanted dinner guest.  You know the one...  That person who complains that the food is too.... x, or that the wine tastes like vinegar, that the rest of the company is beneath them.
Yes, you know the type.
I have learned to acknowledge that this is how I am feeling, like it or not. It just is and because it is, I have to deal with it.  I listen to my brain tick through all of the what if that goes wrong, or this goes wrong.  Much like an over worried over thinking child. 
Once I let it rant and holler, I am able to say..  "Well, we won't know until we do it.  So, what are you waiting for? Let's go do it and see what happens."


My hope here is that everyone realizes that for some, stage fright is real and debilitating. That the best thing sometimes that can be done is to look your terrified dance friend in the face and tell them, that you are proud that they are getting out there and doing it anyway. 

So, if you suffer from stage fright or performance anxiety.  You are most definitely, not alone. I understand the feelings all too well.

Identifying Myself.... as a dancer

Everyone all ready knows that I am a rebel. Everyone knows that I will buck and bend the rules. Everyone also knows that I march to the beat of my own drum corps. 
This is not new news, I have been this way my whole life..  Odd, quirky and different.

Dance is no different for me. 

I know what I am not.  I am not a conformist.
Now, don't get me wrong.  I do not think that every dancer who chooses a style and sticks with it as a conformist.  Mostly, because behind every dance style, there is a dancer who is just like me.

I have had many people ask me to define my own style beyond the label of Fusion.  The hard part for me, is that I can't define it.
I don't know how.

Sometimes, this odd way of being can be a detriment to my performing style.  Sure, you can put me in Tribal gear and I can do that, you could probably even put me in a heavily beaded costume and I could do that too.
It's what I have learned in the past.  Sure, it would be rusty and probably a bit awkward like watching a baby elephant walk on ice. 

I have more than once called my own style "Organic Fusion".. since what happens on stage, is reflective of what is going on in that environment.. it's whatever is channeling it's way through me.  Most often it is not so technically sound and that is where the detriment comes in.
The upside of that is quite simply the fact that my personality comes through, very clearly.  You see without a doubt the rebel herself, not hiding, but right there in your face.

I know that I should probably refine her a bit more, reign her in and force more technique down her throat. But, there is fear attached to that.
Maybe, unfounded or irrational fear, that if I do that, then I will lose the "Mine" aspect to the performance.  That I will have somehow conformed to the way that people expect me to dance.

I know that I will have to put a cap on that fear and try to find a balance between refinement and rebellion. Or as Tempest put it, in her own blog... a balance between the heart and the head.. Bringing my dance, in full balance, from the liver.

Until that happens and I am comfortable and happy with the result..  It's Organic Rebel Fusion for me.

Scratch the itch (Figuratively)

Original Post Date : Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 8:14pm

Go on.. Scratch for it.  I'll wait.

How often does a little bit of inspiration start with a little itch in the brain?
For me.. it's constant.. and I will scratch that itch and see what happens.

Bear in mind, in the back of my head I hear my mother's voice admonishing me about scratching.. Something about making it bleed.
I ignore that voice and I keep scratching... Digging at that idea, picking at it... wanting it to bleed and fester... until I am so infected by the idea that I HAVE to do something about it.

This kind of itch happens in more areas for me than just dance.  I get this way over a costume, something I am knitting or crocheting.
I find that I am the most satisfied by seeing this kind of creativity to the end.

It leaves me feeling exhausted as though I have poured heart and soul into the idea and have given it breath and life.

Sure, sometimes these ideas die on the vine.. or they lay dormant for a little while longer.. until it is that ideas turn for a scratch again..  The ones I don't follow through on are just as important as the ones I do.  Sometimes they even change from the original concept and morph into something else.

So... next time one of the Muse's gives you a rash of an idea..  Go on.. Scratch it... make it bleed... See what comes of it.
I promise.  You won't be disappointed.

In order to think outside the box... you have to start with a box.

Original Post Date Sunday, January 9, 2011 at 10:33am

(first note of the year and a big Thanks to Twyla Tharp and this great statement for inspiration)

In order to think outside the box... you have to start with a box.

I have always said that the best way to be a dancer is to be outside of or on top of the box.
The dancing and music worlds are so vast.. they are hard to contain in such small definitions.

For me, I prefer to think of that box as a great place to store the awesome tools, skills, ideas and concepts.
Which means, that the box can be as big or as small as you want it to be or you can have many boxes full of different things, giving you a bigger stage to dance on.

You can think of it as a Toy Box or a Tool Box.  Makes no difference.

For each performance and preparation, you will find yourself sitting in front of that box.. Selecting what you feel is best needed to get the job done.
You will find yourself going back to the box to take out something else or to trade the skill you are using for something that fits better.
It is part of the creative process.. the experimenting, testing, pushing and pulling needed to grow, shape and cultivate your practice/performance.

I hope that we all continue to add to our collective boxes and share the toys, tools and skills with one another.

Motiveated by love

Original Post Date: Friday, December 31, 2010 at 9:04pm

(Did you think I was going to let the year end without a note??)

"The more you are movtiveated by love, the more fearless and free your action will be."  His Holiness The XIV Dalai Lama

What a thought to start off the new year.  This line of thinking can be applied to dance as well as every day life.
The more you love what you do the more willing you are to abandon yourself to it.
There is no such thing as being fearless..  Instead you have embraced the fear for what it is and have decided to jump in with both feet anyway.  You didn't let the fear govern your actions.
For me there is fear every time I take center stage.  I don't think it will ever go away.  The what ifs...  What if the music gremlin shows up and my music won't play... What if I freeze and completely forget what I needed or wanted to do.  What if I hurt myself..
I have to work to push those thoughts right out of my head or at least stifle them with chocolate and a gag.
The moment the music starts I instantly remember that I am in the center of attention because I love to dance.  Not because I want the accolades or the reviews..  I am there because dancing makes ME happy.
Career advice that I heard growing up was.. "Do something you love and you will never work another day in your life."
Dancing doesn't pay the bills..  So I still need a regular job.
But, my love of dancing erases the drudgery of working.  It takes me only for a moment out of my mundane list of responsiblities.
In a single moment, I am free.  Free to embody the music and to move in a way that has touched a very real chord in my soul.
I am free to drag the audience on that path with me.
In that same single moment. I know that I will never have the same moment ever again.
I am filled with love for what I do and I am free and fearless.

I hope that 2011 brings to each of you:
A renewed love for the dance. If you need it.
A greater fuled passion for dance.  If you are already in love and willing to fall deeper.
A glimpse at the love that dance is.  If you have yet to experience it.
A moment to be free.
A moment to be fearless.

Here is to another collection of nothing more than Free, Fearless and Love filled moments of dancing with friends.  Old and New.  I am looking forward to each moment with each of you.

Dance 10: Looks 3

Original Post Date:  Monday, December 13, 2010 at 3:37pm


Time for another note... *if you have seen Chorus Line... you'll get the title*
You know me, if I am not practicing, performing or making something.. I am thinking about dance.
Today is no exception.

I saw in my news feed today an article about a NY Ballet Company dancer who was called "fat" by a critic..
(I swear, two of her could wear my jeans)

It really got me thinking about how proud I really am to be a part of a dance culture that doesn't place the same heavy criticism on weight as some of the other forms of dance.
We really mean it when we say "Every Body Dances".

Mind you, I am coming from the mindset of the dancer NOT the dance critic. We all know that the critic and the audiences have a different aesthetic when it comes to what they expect out of a belly dancer.  But, behind the scenes and in the studios...  We are a different breed.

Is our weight really that important?
I have learned from personal experience.. That my own weight has made a difference.  When I was considerably heavier.. I could cheat... a LOT.  I didn't have to bust my butt on some moves.  But, as I lost the weight.. I found that cheating...  did me NO GOOD. (does it ever... really?)  I also learned that some of the movements that I really had to work on.. Looked so much better a few pounds lighter.
Also, the reverse is true for my much thinner "Brain"..  she had to work really, really hard on a LOT of things.

I will say that only to a certain point is our weight important.  It is far more important for us to be healthier.. After all, being healthier makes it easier to stay in the groove in practice, class, performance and so forth.

But, there is no perfect weight for a belly dancer.  Instead, we celebrate being women of all shapes, sizes, colors and creations. How much healthier can that be.

So... on that note...  I am proud to be a belly dancer and even more proud to be part of such a supportive community.. for all dancers.

a rant

Original Post Date: Friday, December 3, 2010 at 4:12pm


I have a rant/soapbox issue that needs to be put out there.

In sharing some videos with Nancy Asiya today...  (in question, Muse- Super Massive Black Hole)
There were several videos of "classic" style dance (ie, modern, jazz, etc)

Can someone please explain to me.. why it is okay to teach and allow pre-teen girls to lie/sit on the floor in spread eagle shots crotch facing the audience... and I don't want to hear.. that they have leotards on so it's okay.

Belly dance has gotten the bad rap for years of being suggestive or sexualized.   I get it, our costumes show off bellies and cleavage..  We shake like jell-o when we shimmy hard and long...  Fine, call that suggestive or sexualized.

But, no matter the age of the student from young to old... we learn right off.. to keep our crotches away from the audience, make sure we have our knickers on and not to flash anything under our skirts/harem pants...and cover yourself off stage...

I do not understand why that is deemed acceptable while we take the bad rap.

Is this explainable or....  have I missed the boat completely??

Resolution Revolution

Original Post Date: Saturday, November 27, 2010 at 3:23pm


I'm not much of a New Years Resolution person.  I believe that if you want to change something you should do so immediately and not wait until the first of the year.
Not to mention, statistics show that most "resolutions" tank in the first 6 weeks after the new year.

So, I am considering a few new resolutions for myself.
In the next year I want to:
Make my spins better.  I am habitually BAD at spotting.. so I get dizzy in more than four revolutions.

Work on better layering..  I layer okay now... but after seeing a 12 year old, layer a shimmy, with a turn, with a wave and ..........  wow..   IF she can... I can.

Get my head up...  I swear this makes my list every year and it comes up a little more every year.. I no longer have memorized who in the audience has on awesome shoes.

Take up more space with my arms....  I tend to keep them low and tight...  Why?  I have over five feet of space on either side and 3 feet above my head...  That's a LOT of room..  I need to explore this.

For the moment those are in the immediate..  I will of course expand and expound on this list throughout the year.  As I tend to do..  Since things come up in practice and feedback from performances.  (thank you to my awesome feedback team.. I appreciate ALL the critiques.. Even if they are not always sunny... I would rather have the truth than a blanket, good job.)

So, that's where I am..  Where are you?

Attitude is everything

Original Post Date :Thursday, November 11, 2010 at 8:43pm


Typically for me this time of year is usually very low energy.
It's not a bad thing.. it's just a time for introspection and contemplation.

Attitude - if you spell this out and correlate it numerically in the alphabet 1-26 it totals 100

This reminds me that attitude is one of those things that really does mean an awful lot.
Attitudes are equally reflected both good and bad.

So at the moment..  I am reflecting attitude to Gratitude.

I am grateful for the teachers I have studied with. Each of them have taught me something that I didn't know... About myself, my dancing or just dancing in general.
I am grateful for the dancers I have been blessed to share space with..  REGARDLESS of their ability levels, ages and sizes.
They too have taught me a lot about myself and dancing.
I am grateful for all the hard work that our behind the scenes people do. Music, lighting, hauling carpets, chairs, pillows and even the dreaded dancers bags.
You have all been covered in glitter, smelly perfumes and sweat. It's a job that not many thank you for.  So, here it is... THANK YOU FOR HAULING MY CRAP, MAKING SURE MY MUSIC PLAYS, SUPPLYING A SURFACE TO DANCE AND SIT ON.
For all the people who have located, found, donated and shared venue space with us.  There wouldn't be shows without you.
For all the people who have organized those shows.  Putting a show on isn't as simple as it seems. I appreciate you for doing it.
For all the artists who have done programs, business cards, fliers and the people have walked around with tape, staple guns and decent walking shoes putting them up.
For all the friends and family who support us with all of our crazy talk about dance, who have rearranged schedules and events because of our shows, who are willing to sit there and listen as we babble about this that or something else, including make up...  For the record...  there will NEVER be enough make up and one shade of purple is NOT enough.

I wouldn't be a dancer without any of you and I am humbled repeatedly by how the outpouring of support that all of you give.
Thank you!

Still learning...

Original Post Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010 at 2:59pm


It's been a while since I have written a note regarding my thoughts on dance.
This one is about the fact that I am still learning...
Sometimes what we learn about dancing has to come from somewhere other than the classroom or studio.
It can be in a compliment or a critique from a fellow dancer.
It can come at a show or even at home during personal practice.  It isn't always from your teacher(s).

I've learned more this year about letting go and being more truly in the moment.
How to not get all caught up in the details.

Since I prefer improvisation over choreography.. that shouldn't surprise you.
But, even during improvisation you get hung up on "Okay.. what's next?" in the middle of a performance. Just like with a choreography you can get hung up on the same thing.. should your brain go right out the window due to nerves or it's inability to recall directions of left or right.

My dance sisters Nancy and Isvari have been instrumental in these lessons.
Nancy has challenged me (and I her in turn) to improvise and perform with her despite living 3 hours apart. Giving us ZERO time to practice aside from exchanging ideas.
You cannot get any closer to "In the Moment"... besides when you are on stage and the music is playing and the audience is watching.
Isvari has always encouraged me to push my creative edge just a little harder and farther with each show. What can I do that I haven't done before?
The show on Oct 2nd was a huge leap of faith for both of us.  She selected the music and the costume.  I showed up.
Until I stepped onto that stage.. I had NO idea what was in store for me.
I had to absolutely let go and treat that stage the same way I do my practice space.  I had to let it come, for better or worse.

While I call out these two lovely women who I have been blessed with, they are not alone.
There are dancers that I have watched who have continued to impress on me their moments.
From the very first hesitating steps of their very first solo to the nervous excitement of a young dancer at her very first show, even to the new face in the audience watching for the very first time.
These are examples of others who have been in the moment..
You are all still teaching me and I thank you for those lessons.

Between YES! and NO!

Original Post Date: Monday, October 11, 2010 at 12:02pm


As I am doing prep work for the up coming shows.  I found that creativity can be very fickle sometimes.
Currently, it's one of those moments where I know exactly what I want to do.. Just not sure how to pull it off.

It happens in costuming.  It happens when I hear a bit of music and it seems that the heaven's just open up and you get a "Yeah..  that's it"....  or it becomes.. "Nope, not it"

The spaces between the yes's and no's are sometimes the hardest.

Handling the Yes moments are easy.  You run at full tilt with the idea. Practice your way into madness.  Sew your way there.  Go into total ZEN to get it done.

Handling the No moments are a little trickier.  You want to run at full tilt, but the energy is not there yet.  What you do during those NO spaces is just as important as what those full tilt YES's.

For me, learning to cope with the No has meant that it is time to a) clean up the disaster left from the last great YES.  Organize my sewing stuff. Clean out the dance bag.  Mend costumes.
Because of the NO.. I have learned to draw a little better.  My costume sketches no longer look like a pre-schooler's stick figures with broken crayons. (trust me, I cannot draw worth a darn compared to some of my friends who are masters of the pencils).
Those moments have also taught me to sit back.  Appreciate dance a little more..  Ponder on where I am going with it.
I appreciate the NO, because it has taught me to look closer at my costume designs. See where I can improve.

NO moments help you strike a balance between Dance Geek and Life.

The periods where creativity is not raining down from the heaven's are blessings.  Provided you look with the right perspective.
Sometimes a NO happens right when you need it to... Sometimes it's incredibly inconvenient. (like RIGHT before a show)

The next time you have one of those NO periods as a dancer.  Think about it as a rest or a pause.  Stew on it a bit.  Let it happen.  Take advantage of the stillness caused by it and explore it.
The No could be pointing out something you have neglected in your daily life or it could be there to help clear the way for the next bit YES!

Either way..  Moments of NO....  are not always bad.

All about the Joy

Original Post Date: Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 11:17am

I like to write down the things I think about that are dance related. This quote kicked off a string of thoughts for me.

‎"It's all about the joy. When I quit worrying about where I was, I started dancing instead of doing the moves." -- Barbara Eaton


This quote is so absolutely true.  Too often we get caught up in being PERFECT.
Don't get me wrong, perfection is a good thing.  But, we get so caught up in making our dance perfect that we often forget to embrace the mistakes, the accidents, the forgotten movements as something that is organic.  So you spent hours working out a choregraphy, you poured out buckets of sweat and blood practicing it. You get to the show and wouldn't you know it.. About a minute into your song your brain has completely forgotten what it is you were supposed to do. So, you wing it.  You have four or more minutes of music to go.. you can't just run off the stage, people are watching.  Little snippets of memory to your choregraphy jump into your brain and you perform those moves.. You are out there on the stage, in front of a crowd and you are winging it because you have no choice.
This is a frustrating thing to have happen.  It can send a lot of nasty thoughts about yourself whirling through you head.
Of course, that's when something strange happens.

You are done performing and someone who has watched you dance countless times before says " That was awesome! You looked like you were having fun and it was just amazing.. You blew me away."

Of course, in your own mind the inner critic is just screaming at you.  Telling you that you suck, that what you just did was utter garbage and demanding to know why you are wasting your time with this.

What's a dancer to do?
Of course you are gracious, you say your thanks and all the while you are abusing yourself.

Here's what really happened. Your mind forgot about what it is you had planned for it, because it had plans for you. It was determined to force you to move organically.  Move in a way that makes your soul happy.  Your mind, didn't give a rip about the rules, the count of the music, it honestly didn't care.  Since it has no ego.

Here's where the scenario gets even stranger for the dancer.  You see the video of that performance, you see the photographs. All the through both you are smiling...  Just beaming.  Every image you see is just full of joy.  Passion for what you are doing and you are just on Fire!

Sometimes, we have to let go.  Not always, but sometimes. We have to be more gentle with ourselves when we have an oops like that.  It's hard to do.
To put in in geek terms..  Sometimes we have to "Use the Force".   It didn't let Skywalker down.. Why would it let us down??