Creative Process

As some of you already know... I am addicted to the creative process.
This addiction of mine always tends to lend me into performances that are seldom repeated.
It's one of the reasons why I am not attempting to be part of the typical professional circuit.

I realize that in some aspects this makes me unique.

It's not the performance I am addicted to... it's the process of building it..  The music, the costume, the dance... and when it is all done, the creative release into the world.

I often think that if I were a better choreographer I could do this constantly and for people and then watch the creations take off. 

I can only speak for myself when I say that I am finding more personal joy in crafting more artistic type pieces. 
I know that I find an incredible amount of inspiration when I see other dancers tap that creative vein too...  pulling out and pulling off high concept work.

It's not for everyone and I understand it.  I certainly don't expect people to "get it", nor do I expect them to "like it".

But then again....  who said I had to dance for the masses?

Packing the gig bag.

It's been quite a while since I sat down to write some things down.   Since the article I wrote in the summer pertaining to the care and feeding of a dancers feet, I have since been diagnosed with arthritis in my left foot, in the space where the bones of my first toe, meet the ball of my foot.
Both my doctor and I were thinking along the lines of a stress fracture, not uncommon for dancers and other athletes.  However, an x-ray revealed something neither of us expected.

This diagnosis has caused me to step back and reevaluate everything about my dancing and other activities.  Things like making sure I am using the whole of my foot.  Being certain that I have the appropriate padding in my dance shoes, tennis shoes, heels... ALL the shoes.

As summer turns to fall and I have pulled out my wooly socks from the dark recesses of the drawer, I have learned that my left foot has real issues with being cold.
This... is a problem... a big problem.
 Not only does the cooler air pose a problem, so does the fact that I also have Reynaud's Syndrome..  Where my extremities can be so cold and numb, even in the worst heat of the summer.   This means that my hands and feet are always cold.

So, I have done some serious thinking about the packing of the things that go into the gig bag.  Along with the safety pins, make up, eyelash glue and all of the other incidentals that float around in the bottom of The Black Hole of Calcutta-- also known as my gig bag --
There will be residing permanently-  thick wool socks and slippers...  Hand/foot warming packs that hunters will use to stave off the cold.
This all, just in case, the pain is bad and I need the extra warmth until I can get home from the show and pamper my foot accordingly.

I refuse to allow this to slow me down dance-wise...  especially when I feel like I am finally hitting my stride and comfort zone.
I know that if I am smart about this, plan carefully and take care of my feet, that I can continue to dance for a long time yet. 
I can repeat enough to other dancers.  Care for your feet, they don't have replacement parts.

Downtime...

What a dancer does with her downtime is just as important as her active time ~ Me
Anyone who knows a dancer, knows that we rarely have real downtime, where we do nothing...  We are always working on things.

That said, there really is no such thing as true downtime for a dancer.  There are costumes that need repair, music to be reviewed, photos to be looked at, videos to be watched.... Business cards and flyers that need work... new creations that have to come from somewhere.  The list goes on and on.
It's just that the downtime is much slower... with any hopes, things move at a less frenetic pace.

Tracking Progress

I have come to learn that I am not the only dancer who keeps several journals or notebooks on the kind of work I do in practice.
It seems to be a trend in the last while that I set up some new yearly goals every Aug/September.
I write them down in my practice journal to help me keep track of what I am doing to see if I can reach that goal.

Aside from that I also write down what I want to work on for the month and as I conclude a practice session, I make notes for the things I want to do the next time and what I feel that I need to revisit each practice.

It was last year that I decided that I wanted to on top of my dance practice to really start pushing my stage make-up, up and over the top.  So, in those notes, every time I sat down to do my face for stage, I made careful notes on what I used, brand, color, etc..... 

In the last five years, especially losing the weight I have lost.  Having this habit has really made me more aware of how my body moved at each stage of the loss. Making notes on having to now work harder on my shimmies...  which used to come to me very easily.   I know how they felt on my larger self and how I have had to work with my new body to make them feel the same way.

It's a way of tracking all kinds of progress and help me to stay on task and not blow off my practice or spend lots of time pondering what I should be doing.

I also keep notes and journals on costuming.  Where I bought the fabric.  How I made the base...etc.   These things have also helped to show me on paper the progress of the size changes, the alterations and the general information on how things have changed tremendously over the course of time.

IF you haven't started to journal your own progress, what's keeping you?

Extension of self

Sometimes just dancing is hard enough. 
But then, we go and add props.

Every prop has a mind of it's own.  It doesn't matter if it is swords, veils, fans, canes or any other tool we use.

At the beginning of the year I took a hooping class.  I hadn't picked up a hula hoop since I was a child.   The instructor for that class taught an important lesson in all of this.  As we stood there with our hoops picked up and ready to spin them around...  she told us to let go and let them fall to the ground.
She joked that this was our first real trick.

I happened to find a whole bunch of truth in that, it changed the way that I looked at all of my tools.
I have applied that logic to everything I have picked up again since then.... To pick up my prop and drop it.  Just to remind myself that not everything is going to go as planned and sometimes gravity gets a say so in the works.

The next bit of advice came from working with a static prop.  That advice has been to carry it around with me constantly, until when it is not there, I notice it's absence.
Again a large amount of truth with that one. It makes the prop an extension of my body, part of me.

Now these two pieces of advice may not work with every prop that we use as dancers.  Can you imagine walking around a downtown area with your sword (and face it, some of them are dangerously sharp). It's not for the funny looks that you would get from the public, but instead, having someone make a panicked call to the local police....
What exactly would you do with your veil?  Besides wear that gorgeous piece of silk as a scarf? 
Taking it everywhere would work with a cane...  maybe not the thin bamboo canes with the sparkle tape, but a good solid wooden one...  Take a stroll and swing it around.  It's treated more "normally" than swinging a sword.


This brings me to the best bit of advice that I can give.  If you can't take the item with you, then play with it every chance you get. 
The more familiar you are with your prop of choice the more cool and confident you will look when you are dancing with it.
Give your prop a name, make it personal..  Like a trusted friend.
These tools we use are our dance partners.  If a ballroom dancer stuffed her partner in the wardrobe and only took him out for performances, how polished would they look moving together?

My point.... exactly.

I know who I am when I belly dance.

"I can see you dance.  But, I am not seeing you dance."

These words will forever stick in my head.   They were the words of my first belly dance teacher, who put on music and made me dance for her.  In that moment, I worked so hard at being technically sound, careful with how I linked movements together.  So careful in fact that I disregarded the music as a whole, didn't bother hearing the emotional tone.  I blew it.
She didn't want me to just regurgitate movement to her...  she wanted to see me dance.  To embody the music I was hearing and to transport her to another place.
I was 17.
Some of the deep heartbreaking love songs were quite lost on me. What did I know about true heartbreak or unbridled passion or even the absolute elation that comes with being in love.
The answer, in a word.  Nothing.

There is a saying that women have nothing to dance about until they have lived a little.  This, is not necessarily true, well, not anymore anyway.

All dancers regardless of age have something to say.  Granted, we are not always afforded the places to say them.  Some shows we are expected to be happy-happy-joy-joy and other (far fewer) shows allow us the room and place to really wring ourselves dry on their stages.

Some dancers are not comfortable with moving through the language of the soul or the various emotions we have...  others (like me and a few friends) revel in it.
Some dancers are not comfortable seeing another dancer pour herself out onto the stage others (like me and a few friends) can be disappointed when that happens.

I have long joked with Nancy Asiya that I have had to make a point to switch to waterproof everything, just in case I have to perform after her.  This has been since she moved me to openly weeping and turning all of my make up in Alice Cooper, when she danced her way through heartbreak and the rebirth of herself. 
In that particular piece (which has not been repeated), took me through the wild ride of emotion and left me as an audience member... sitting in my chair agape with gobs of black eye goo running down my face.
I knew what it took for her to lay herself so bare, that watching her dance it... made me feel what she was feeling.
I have in turn, done the same thing to her.

It doesn't happen each and every time we perform.  But, when it does...  I feel that I can see straight through the soles of her dance shoes and into who she is.  Never-mind that she is my best friend, these moments let me see her in a whole new light.

It would be wrong for me to expect every dancer to do this... Some of us are just not wired that way and I have to respect that.  Even though I may encourage another dancer to do let the emotions out of the bag.. I know it isn't comfortable for everyone and not enough performance venues are accepting of it.

I will close by encouraging every single dancer to try at least once in the comfort of your home studio or private practice... to dance your way through various kinds of emotions..  Give yourself the permission to do it behind closed doors.  You will be amazed at who you are when you dance this way.

*buzz, static, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* oww

Feedback-
Anyone who has ever been to a live show, knows that horrible sound...  The monitors buzz for a brief second and everyone scrunches up their face quickly because they know that the horrible scream of feed back is about to come blasting out of the speakers.
It's just plain not a pleasant sound.
With any luck, sound techs can correct the problem and bring everything right back on line, before everyone goes horribly deaf from the ill sound. The best sound techs at this point have made mental notes about their set up and will do everything they can to make sure that mistake is not repeated.

This description applies even to dancers.  The feedback from another dancer or audience member who has watched you perform... The dancer squinches up her face for the blow.

I've worked very hard in my own world learning how to take and give feedback in a positive manner.  It makes me a better dancer.
Blessedly, in my own experience I have a few sources that give me good feedback, that doesn't come from the vicious inner critic who happens to think that everything I do is shite.
This for me came in the form of a beloved dance sister who looked at me one night and delivered the blow in a compliment sandwich... it went like this.
"I really liked what you selected for your music.  Please, don't forget that when the music phrase offers you up something juicy, where you can throw in a very powerful shimmy.  That little mistake aside, I found your ability to convey emotion in your body language, just amazing"

I found that to be a very positive thing.   Two things I could walk away with and be proud and one thing to remember to work on in the future.  Now, if you get several of these after each performance.  You get a solid picture of what you need to improve upon and what you are presently showing as your strengths.


The kind of feedback that does no good, for anyone.
"What were you thinking?  You lost me from the moment you first stepped on stage" .... *blink, blink* and the inner critic comes roaring to the surface with "Told you so.  You suck..  Why do you even bother?"
The other kind of feedback that does no good, for anyone.
"That looks fine"....   Really, Fine?  Not, good, not great, not even a poor?  Nothing specific to improve on and nothing specific that tells you that you are doing really well.

Now, I can say that even my best critique givers have come to me with an entirely negative report, as well as entirely positive reports too.  Never once have they ever given me a blanket "Fine".  Nor, have I ever given it back to them.

However, critique can come to you from everywhere.  It doesn't just have to be from your trusted sources. It can be from the photographer who looks at you and says: "Not many photos of you from the show.  You moved around way to much and well..  You didn't give me anything to shoot at."
The audience member who says: "I like your costume, but, I didn't get what you were doing"

Sound critiques come from everywhere and all should be taken to heart, chewed on and given consideration.
Sure, criticism from someone who doesn't dance, can come across as very harsh and not very helpful.  But, in reality, consider the words.  There is often more help in the words than what your knee jerk reaction thinks.

Let's use the audience member who said "I like your costume, but, I didn't get what you were doing"
That says very simply, that you look pretty and they liked looking at you -  This tells you that you got their attention.
It also tells you that you had a hard time holding their attention, but, they were still trying to appreciate what you were doing.
Long and short-  You are on the right track... but, perhaps your music choice was strange or your movements didn't match the music.
Perhaps, the next thing to do is have a critical look at your video and open a dialogue with one(or more) of your trusted sources and have them watch with you. 
It doesn't mean that you need to make any changes... since you could repeat that performance to a different audience and get rave reviews.

This brings us to the very last form of critique that is the worst of all.  Trolling.  This one really doesn't do anyone any good whatsoever.
If you've been on the internet for at least 10 years, chances are, you have run across one of these kinds of people.   Since truth told.  Trolls are everywhere.  
They are just as nasty in real life as they were in the fairy tale stories we have read.
Yes, Virginia, real life trolls exist.

A troll has NOTHING positive to say... EVER and are often quite nearly bat-shit crazy.
A troll can come in the form of another dancer, whom you may have taken some popularity from or have the potential to take popularity from.  A drummer, who only wants to drum so they can watch you shake your butt. An audience member who only likes one dancer at a show and will smack talk all the other dancers at a show, because they want to make sure that only their favorite gets attention or a random commenter on YouTube, who will say some wild and crazy things in your comments feed, just to get a rise out of you and anyone else who comments.
(Example:  "only whores dance like that" ... or... "I don't understand, why am I not seeing boobies, you MUST remove your costume".... "Old ladies shouldn't dance that way... GROSS")


It doesn't take long to figure out trolls and of course the best way to handle them, is not at all.  Don't feed them, don't respond to them... and most importantly... if they are nasty... don't let their crazy rub off on you.


Long and short.  Feedback, is often good..  should be taken with a grain of salt, paid attention too and yes, sometimes is best ignored.